I met my SO while I was separated but not divorced. Both of us were not looking for a relationship but we clicked and so it began. It took a little less than two years to get my divorce done. It took longer than I expected due to lack of cooperation from ex. First she wanted everything; house, car, furniture and what ever she could get hold of. Once she figured that I wouldn’t let go of the house, she wanted to sell the house before filing for divorce but never agreed to sign the papers to list the house. After stretching out as far as she could, she finally signed on the divorce paper. She got the car but house was a split. I wanted to get the divorce done as soon as possible and not let it stretch out for three to four years as I have heard different stories about how bad one can get. Regardless of my attempt to get it done sooner, it did take longer than I thought. I have never denied that to anyone.
As I was trying to list the house, it got flooded when sum-pump gave up. It took a couple of months to get the house ready with insurance inspection and everything else. With in few weeks sum-pump gave up the second time and house was flooded though it was not as bad as the first flood. During that time, I had moved to a different city but with the same company. I wanted to move so that I could be as far away from ex as I could. I wanted to leave everything behind and start a new life.
Finally, the house was listed. Just before the house was listed, ex offered me some money for the house. I refused to take it for few reasons. First, I didn’t want her to have the house, second I thought I could sell the house and third I didn’t want to upset my current SO. Little that I knew the housing market would tumble badly. Over the period of almost a year there were not a single offer made even after reducing price.
After thinking it through and calculating numbers I knew that I wouldn’t see a penny from that house because of the current housing market. I was legally obligated to pay my share of the mortgage. I was losing money on the both end. I had three options at my hand, sell the house, file for a bankruptcy or hand over the house to ex. I tried selling the house but it didn’t sell, I didn’t want to file for a bankruptcy. At that time, I decided to hand over the house to ex to cut my financial loss. She took months, making one excuse after another to refinance. I had it enough so I asked for mediation. Finally she got a loan to refinance and I signed ‘quit claim deed’.
In the mean time, my current SO, came to know that her cousin bought a house in a neighborhood close to where I was trying to sell. She was furious that her cousin could buy a house but I couldn’t sell one. Stating that I took years to get a divorce and more to sell the house and with few other reasons she decided to end our relationship. It is easier to buy in a buyers market and hard to sell. Isn’t that right?
I have to say that I did make few mistakes. First and foremost, I didn’t tell my SO the full extend of divorce procedure thinking that I would be adding unnecessary stress to her on top of what she had. Looking back now I should have shared it with her.
It just makes me wonder, with all said and done, where did I go wrong? I am divorced. House did not sell and to cut my loss I had to give it up. Was this a bad financial decision? What would you do if you were in such a situation? Was it my fault that the housing market is bad? Let me hear the good, the bad and the ugly. I am all prepared for it.
Now, moving forward, I have learned few great lessons and I hope to learn more here with any and all help of you all. I have to start from scratch now, financially that is. I have a decent job, been with the same company for over ten years now. May be I need to start fresh all over again. May be it is time for a new job, new city and a new beginning.
Thank you for reading this lengthy post.
Divorce, House, Relationship and New Beginning
June 24th, 2008 at 03:23 pm
June 24th, 2008 at 03:30 pm 1214321440
Hindsight is 20/20. Don't beat yourself up too badly. We all make mistakes. Just learn from it and move on happy
June 24th, 2008 at 03:49 pm 1214322557
June 24th, 2008 at 04:00 pm 1214323211
June 24th, 2008 at 04:02 pm 1214323327
June 24th, 2008 at 07:43 pm 1214336613
June 24th, 2008 at 08:27 pm 1214339262
June 24th, 2008 at 09:08 pm 1214341736
I had hoped that my SO would at least understand my situation. I handed the house over because I would have to keep on paying my share of the mortgage which I am legally obligated. Due to the market drop, I couldn't list the house below outstanding mortgage. I just don't have enough money to pay for the difference. I was caught between a rock and a hard place. Do this, I am doomed and do that I am doomed as well. Financially it was the best thing I could do. Relationship wise it was the worst thing I could ever do.
I did not want to lose my SO. She is a nice person, and I loved her dearly and still do. It is hard but I have no other option since the door is locked and shut for ever.
June 24th, 2008 at 09:13 pm 1214341986
Sad but true.
June 24th, 2008 at 09:17 pm 1214342224
I am glad to hear about your divorce and marriage. I was hoping for a similar story for us as well.
June 25th, 2008 at 04:12 am 1214367122
June 25th, 2008 at 10:45 am 1214390722
Hope you guys can work it out.
June 25th, 2008 at 09:16 pm 1214428582
June 26th, 2008 at 02:16 pm 1214489814